Sunday, December 16

Random Thinks, Week 6

Welcome to another wk of my random things!

what is the hardest thing you have ever experinced.


Is that even a word?
Anyway, your prob wondering wtf can be so confusing about being a sibling. After all theres suppose to be the ones that understand you. The ones you connect with from birth. Your first, and your last best friend.

A few of my friends growing up, and even now, complaine about not having a older sister to share everything with, or a older brother to watch out for you, or a little brother to make fun of. God blessed me with all, 2 old sisters, 1 older brother, 1 younger brother.

However god didnt bless us with the ability to understand how to love each other from a young age, and our parents didnt teach us.

Many of my reg follows prob know by now that my dads a slut from south america. He left his wife, and 3 children behind (my guess without telling them) to move to canada. He met my mom, they feel in "love" and had me. 4 years later he surprised my mom with his wife and 3 other children. Step monster and mother HATED each other, espically when father dearest slept with mother dearest. Again. And they concieved my little brother. Fast forward 9 months my father says what kid to my siblings and his wife and that was the end of that.

I cant even begin to tell you how much hatred my sister had towards me, because she didnt understand, She couldnt understand why her father left her for 4 years, and then came back into her life, and now she has to share this strange man with the little girl who was responsible for tearing her family apart. Noone ever explains to the children there still siblings at the end of the day. The hatred that the parents may have for themselfs they should keep it away from them. I never did anything wrong, and I should of never been treated by my step sister, or step mother as if I did do something wrong. However, we were never taught to love each other, orthat it was okay for us to love each other, while are parents are sorting it out. The same relationship happened between my older brother and my younger brother. I had a great relationship with my brother growing up, both of them. I believe if jordan wasnt lied about, and was able to come around he would be able to have the same amazing relationship that we have they could of had.

Of all the memories that were full of pain, the one that hurts the most and is the mostconfusing part and awful part. Im not sure why but my sperm donnar decided not to tell his other family that he father another child. However to my brothers face, he would tell him he cared for him and he loved him. He refered to my brother as son, and reresopndeed when he was called father . He never let my brother come visit him. He never discussed his excistance with my siblings or his wife. When he was asked about it, he deined it. For 18 years. Untill my bolder brother explained to me the reason he and our other siblings ave sucha hard time connectings was because they didnt know that was there brother too. They suspected it, but never knew.
children are amazing, they love unconditionally. I feel that I would of been loved, same as brother would of been lvoed my our siblings, instead it took me 16 years to speak with my sister, more then a few words. I never had a sleep over with her, I never told her a secrat, she doesnt know about my first kiss, my first love or even the first time I had sex.

Because of the actions of a parents, I had to have a complex as fuck relationship with my siblings, one that we still dont understand.


  1. Hey, you have a pretty cool "unedited" blog. lol. but i love it! I wish I could be more free about what I post but of course, I try to keep it censored. I'm one of your newest followers from the followers to friends blog hop. I would love for you to check my blog out and follow me back.

    1. thanks for stopping by! sometimes I dont post everything I want to say, but I feel like this is suppose to be my journal about my life so why would I edit it :) thanks for stopping by ill def check out yours too :)