Wednesday, October 2

Blogtober, Day 2

Day 2, Wednesday: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

Anyone else epicly fail at saying they are going to blog for 31 days, then forgot the blog THE NEXT DAY! to be fair, I actually got out of the house, and hung-out with people so at least I had a excuse..right?

One thing I know a lot about is myself.

I never thought I knew myself. I thought that I needed the opinion of others to complete my thoughts. I always turned to my friends and my Amy for the answer. I was never left to just sit and figure things out for myself. When I was scared, and felt alone I still had someone to turn to. My best friends have been my best friends for more then 10 years for the most part. They know me inside and out, sometimes better then I thought I knew myself.

When I found out the truth of how my father was treating my brother, how he lied to his wife and my other half siblings telling them that Jordan was my brother, not their brother. I felt the world crumble beneath me. I had NO one to turn to. No one could understand what was going on, let alone find the words to say to me. The man I thought I knew, the man I called my best friend just broke my heart, and lied to me my entire life. I as made to believe the reason Jordan never interacted with my other siblings was because my step monster was a bitch, and that she didn't want Jordan to visit. I never questioned it, because she was a bitch. My entire life she treated me like shit behind my back and to my face she was always talking down on me. So I assumed one of my fathers children from another female visiting was enough, and never questioned it. Until I found out that he was just a coward who couldn't admit that he had slept with my mom, while he was with his wife and conceived another child, so he just lied about it.

I spent the next few weeks in a deep depression, I cried worked cried and worked. I don't think I slept most of those days, even on my days off, all I could do was sit in my room at cry. No one had any answer to give me, I opened my mind and I asked God for help. I started praying, asking for answers. Why did my father do this lord. How could he be so cold, and unkind.

The more in-touch with God I got, the more in touch with my self I got. That's when I really got to know myself. You never really know how strong you are, until everything you've ever known is turned upside down.

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